reasons.

reasons y i wun leave u.

1) i love u alot. no other guy can make me do all these.

2) i noe i've not tried my best. i wun give up until i have done my best.

3) u make me really happy. nobody had ever made me feel this way b4.

4) i'm afraid of losing u.

5) i'm worried that something might happen to u when i'm not by ur side.

6) i'm not used to hanging without my partner. it doesnt need to be always. but i need to see u.

7) i'm not used to sleeping alone. in fact i'm very scared to.

8) i need ur opinions and inputs in everything. it really matters to me.

9) i am not a slut. i am onli horny towards u. becoz it's u.

10) u r my hero. u r really a hero in my eyes.

---------------------------------------

reasons y i might go crazy (and sometimes i just feel like giving up).

1) i feel that u could treat me better.

2) i feel that u r not considering my feelings.

3) i feel that u dun have faith in me.

4) u dun want to talk to me.

5) u dun want to calm me. perhaps as though u r trying to agitate me.

6) u r testing me.

7) u r purposely, and consciously controlling how u would treat me.

8) u dun put me in a gd light in front of ur frens.

9) u expect me to do things (for eg, taking care of myself) as though it's something that i definitely have to do. without considering wad kind of person i am.

10) u lose patience with me REALLY fast.

----------------------------------------

i juz hope that u noe. i'm really not crazy. juz that some things that u do affected me quite abit.

we r smart. i'm sure we'll figure out something soon enough.

more love?

somedae u will regret.

u try so hard to make me give up on u.

once i really do.

u wun have my love anymore.

------------------------------------

it's a risk isnt it.

wad if ur next partner doesnt love u as much as i do?

wad if ur next partner is a worse person?

if u were to look at things objectively.

i'm not out for ur money.

in fact.

what i am willing to do for u.

wad i am willing to change for u.

are already things most ppl wouldnt do.

--------------------------------------

if u really dun believe me.

go ahead.

once u lose my love.

u probably wun feel so loved again.

after all. how often u hear about eternity in the aj circle?

frustration.

how am i going to face ur friends.

when u keep on telling them things about me that r not TOTALLY true?

u say that u r giving me a chance...

but wad chance do i have in the first place?

if i can.

i really hate u.

i really really hate u.

i really really hope that u'll be hurt b4 by some other guy to really appreciate me.

hurting ur loved ones.

is that the best u can do?

does it make sense?

sometimes i think to myself.

if only i've met u yrs later.

when i can support myself and pamper u.

when u have been through many relationships and have been hurt by many other guys.

perhaps then.

i can shine.

u will appreciate me.

------------------------------------

sighz.

i'm not psychotic.

many guys r dying to get into a relationship with me.

and u. who is having it.

is not appreciating it.

i've tried my best to please u.

to love u.

but u juz want to think that u deserve better.

i wun force u to stay by my side.

becoz somedae.

u will noe better wad is good for u.

---------------------------------------

i will wait till christmas.

i believe my hero will return.

i still believe those words.

i am history.

i see.

u've even updated ur trevvy profile.

with new pics.

and ur status is single.

great. congratulations.

i'm history.

=\

is it really so important to let everybody noe that U R SINGLE now?
by telling everybody that we have broken up?

is it really so important to noe NEW guys?
that's y u updated ur pics rite.

the person who wanted the relationship at the start.
is so eager to end it now.

y did i give u my heart?

y?

relationship = marriage

it should be that way rite?

a relationship shouldnt be one which u get into for experimenting.

it's not like..

u should get in a relationship with a person juz to see if he's the right one.

then how many experiments r u going to get into?

I AM NOT UR EXPERMENT.
I DUN WANT TO JUZ BE A PART OF UR EXPERIENCE.

i want to be ur life.
i want to be with u forever.
i dun want anybody else.

that's y i put in alot.
that's y i try so hard.

becoz deep inside.
i noe.

i wun find another one.

touching and breaking a person's heart.

i think i'll never feel his love again.
after talking to him over the phone.
he seems glad that i'll be out of his life.

he used to want to protect me.
want to take care of me.
dun want to see me cry.
want to see me often.
he said.
the things i do for u. i dun even do for anyone else.

todae.
he's juz a spoiled kid.
he loses his patience quick.
he raises his voice quick.
he resorts to violence quick.

where is my hero?
i loved that guy so much back then.
so much back then.

now. i'm juz left with an empty nest.

somehow i've a feeling.
i might never experience his love again.

but i'm glad.

i've learnt something out of this relationship.

never spoil ur loved ones.
do not always give in.
the more u want to discuss, the more ppl take u for granted.

i will be more cautious from now on.

1 yr ago. he touched my heart.

1 yr later. he broke it.

the end.

Compatible.

a fren saw us yesterdae nite at bugis.
and he thought that we were compatible.

and i've never even met this fren b4...

--------------------------------------


Fren: yo mr psych, was wondering if u were loitering at the arcade at bugis der with your BF? LOL

Me: we werent loitering. we got a toy from the UFO catcher thing. i feel so pro.

Fren: LOL.. hhahaa.. i was jus suspecting only.. havnet seen u b4 mah.. but looks familiar.. LOL.. so he's your BF arh? as cute as u leh.. LOL

Me: maybe ex bf now already. hahahaa.

Fren: lol.. u all quarrel after u catch the UFO? LOL.. wad happen?

Me: well. it's a long story. simply. u cant love a person who doesnt want to be loved.
Fren: orhh okiee.. but u two looks compatible and looks quite okie yesterday wad... u didnt see me at all?? so sadss... hahaha.. u cant even recognise me harr..

Me: i dun look at other guys... yea i juz dun...

-------------------------------------

yeaa. we were supposed to be really compatible.

we were supposed to be hot and cute.

it was supposed to be such that everybody will be jealous of us.

and from comments.
nothing but the truth of wad i've heard from others.

we are indeed compatible.

we are indeed cute. and perhaps hot.

people are indeed jealous of us.

how did we end up where we r now?
y r we not cherishing each other?

i dun think i can find a guy better than u anymore.
i juz dun think so.

u cant love a person who doesnt want to be loved.

i'm ending the relationship. in a way of not really ending it.
the choice is in his hands.
he had the choice of deciding whether we r happy. or sad. or anything.
but often.
he chose the unhappy route.

wad do u do.
when ur bf starts to love himself more, thinking too highly of himself or playing hard to get.
i can try to please him. and make him happy.
but.
how far can i go?
as a human.
with feelings.
where's my limits?

he might feel that he cant trust me.
he might feel that i need to be more patient. or be on probation.
but is he helping me to change?
or is he juz forcing me to change?

i'm totally alrite with changing for the person i love.
i wun resist.
to me a relationship is like marriage.
i've got to do wad i can to keep the relationship going.
breaking up, finding somebody else is not an option.

after all. there really isnt any perfect person in the first place.
u wun find a totally perfect person for u.
if there's such a person, he prob would be long taken.
(but nah. they dun exist).
wad matters most is having a person who loves u wholeheartedly.
and u. able to appreciate, respect and love the person.

it's like.
yesterdae nite. we were out.
everybody's happy.
but he juz muz control himself.
not willing to do things that couples should do.
not willing to say any lovey things that couples should say.
let's juz put it simply.
he's not out to make sure that we enjoy an unforgettable nite.
everything is so unnatural.
doesnt go with the flow.
it's like.
u want to be in a relationship.
but u dun want to enjoy it.

so can u really love a person who doesnt want to be loved.
well. truth is.
u can.
but.
what will u get in the end?
if the person is not willing to open up to u.
if the person doesnt want to enjoy ur company.
(note: is doesnt want to enjoy. not cant enjoy.)
really given the situation.
anybody would have gone with the flow.

how far can i go?
before he realizes that i am.
of flesh and blood?

fridge.

thanks for all the food in the fridge.

it's been weeks since u gave me anything.

i think.

one of the things i liked about u is all these small surprizes that i always dun appreciate.

i'm going to finish all the snacks in the fridge.

i'm going to do that to show u that i'm really appreciating everything.

thank you.

i love u.

dump, dumb.

hahahhaaa.

i was reading this...

and i realised... perhaps that's y i'm taking the relationship so seriously.

huihui.

i'm doing things for u so desperately.

getting us to stay together so desperately.

meeting u daily desperately.

getting u things desperately.

and now. getting to noe ur frens desperately.

is becoz i want to get closer to u.

and y is that?

perhaps coz i'm afraid of being dumped by u.

i love u.

and u have been dumping ur ex-es (if they r counted).

so i'm worried.

hahahaaa.

but i really do love u.

accompanying me.

tonite should be a special nite.

yet. i cried myself to sleep. woke up. shouldnt sleep. cried. and now online.

i cant sleep without u.

-----------------------------------------

i used to think that couples should stay together.

i always thought that u should treat this place like ur home.

after all. this is our nest.

but i never realised u thought differently.

-----------------------------------------

i've figured by now that u probably feel that u r here to accompany me.

after all. i am staying alone.

and so u r here to accompany me.

that is true.

normal couples do think that way.

-----------------------------------------

normal couples stay with their family.

they have their own lives with their family.

when they wake up, the family is there.

when they eat, the family is there.

when they sleep, the family is there.

u r probably used to that. sharing a home with many others.

that is a life to u.

but for me.

i've abandoned that.

i wanted to live a life with the one i love.

i wanted a home, a place we can call ours.

and do sweet things in it.

i dun want to always go to a hotel.

or spend time outside.

i want a home with u.

and now. i'm really quite lonely by myself.

------------------------------------------

i'm sorrie.

i really miss u.

i really appreciate u.

now that i think about it.

i really miss those daes that u stay over 4 nites per week to accompany me.

u stayed on mondays and wednesdays.

and friday and saturdays.

u would need to go to sch in the morning.

and buy back dinner during weekdays.

on weekends.

u will rush to sch for a few hours.

and come back to spend the rest of the dae with me.

u tried really really really hard.

and i never said thank you.

i'm feeling really bad now.

u tried really really really hard to accompany me.

to please me.

to make me happy.

to love me.

but i've not thanked u.

i've not even acted like how i should have appreciated it.

i'm really sorrie.

pls give me a chance.

pls give me a chance to appreciate u...

when u are accompanying at my place.

i will treat u better.

i promise.

i love u.

a source.

when i'm sad.

i think about ur love.

and i wun be sad anymore.

i'm juz glad.

that i've met u.

sudden realization.

it's like after dating for a yr, suddenly the girl broke up with the guy.

half a yr later. she's married.

so when the guy asked her y she got married (when in the first place, she never even wanted to be anybody's girlfriend).

----------------------------------

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.


Tom: Knew what?

Summer: What I was never sure of with you.
 
----------------------------------
 
i guess. sometimes when we finally meet the right person.
 
everything juz become clear.
 
what we r not sure of. what we never did b4.
 
everything will become possible.
 
----------------------------------
 
this time. i juz knew.
 
i juz knew i had to do everything.
 
i juz knew u r the one i'm searching for.
 
all that i never thought that i could ever do or manage.
 
i'm achieving them.
 
i juz knew. i had to do it.
 
u r the one.

誰かの願いが叶うころ Dareka No Negai Ga Kanau Koro

i think. this song. does explain a little of wad i feel.

but ultimately, everybody's wishes cannot be granted at once.

although i do long for ur touch, u holding me back, and u caring for me.

i'll still want to make u happy first.

awaken.

i am sorrie.

i have been weak.

i will be weak no more.

-------------

i am slowly finding back myself.

i am slowly remember who i was.

i have the power to change things.

i have everything.